Not LART worthy... by shadowsystems [2007/04/28 05:25]
That surpassed "Orbital LART 'Just To Be Sure'..." stage the moment he started SCREAMING OBSCENITIES...
Now it's "Wait until he goes to sleep, drag him from his bed, & hide the body where the bits will never be found." stage...

Either that, or force him to use a text-only system until he croaks.
No Windows, no GUI, no Flash, nothing.
Just a Braille writer (it's a mechanical keyboard for the blind that raises tiny metal pins to represent Braille letters, like a Ticker Tape for the Blind) & a 300 baud dial up modem connecting via an International premium-rate pay-per-minute Russian relay station, to Iceland, Japan, Guam, Albania, Ireland, Turkey, France, Switzerland, Jamaica, the bottom of the Marianis Trench (preferrably via a flaky Gertrude Phone link), and back to his local ISP.
Ping times measured in *days*.
To a TTY Operator who barely speaks English, can only type one letter at a time, and is hard of hearing.
Using a cruddy keyboard with most of the vowels not working.
On an 0.01 MHz CP/M machine that can't handle the "massive bandwidth" of said 300 Baud connection & keeps rebooting from the overload.
Using a faulty translation dictionary that keeps getting hacked by someone with way too much time on their hands & keeps adding "translations" like [?Lang] "Hello, How Are You?" = [Eng] "I think your dog is pretty, may I impregnate him?"...
WHILE drunk, stoned, and half asleep after a three day weekend's booze & hash binge-fest!
And suffering from a severe case of diarreah!
With a flaky "on hold" button that randomly hangs up on every first caller.
(Pauses to catch his breath)
And then STOMPED ON, and light on fire, and pulled apart, and the bits stomped on some more until... until... until I think of something TRUELY hideous to do to him!
=)P