 I CAN'T BEAT YOU SENSELESS, BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE CLEARLY ALREADY DID THAT: I occasionally spend an hour in the morning having a quiet cup of coffee while reading a newspaper at a local Canadian-version-of-a-diner. It's a welcome reprieve from the hustle of parenthood and it also allows me to recharge my introvert batteries. Most times nothing of interest occurs (other than spilling too much tabasco on my eggs), which is the way I like it.
But this morning I overheard a conversation between two women that made my hackles go straight up. I am a poor eavesdropper, because I usually have my nose buried in a book, or newspaper, or I'm scrawling something in a notebook. For whatever reason, their talk penetrated my magical Wall of Ignoring, much to my chagrin.
These women were, I think, in their late 20s or early 30s. Reasonably well-dressed, well-groomed and overall nice to look at. This pleasant visual effect was abruptly shattered when they opened their mouths.
Woman 1: You're married now. He doesn't have a choice.
Woman 2: Are you sure? We've only been married for a few months.
Woman 1: It's not too soon to start. Do you want him to stay this way?
Woman 2: I guess not.
Woman 1: All men are like little children. You have to tell them what to do.
Woman 2: Everything?
Woman 1: Yes. You have to mold them or they'll never grow up.
Woman 2: Maybe I should just ask him to change a little.
Woman 1: No. Don't ask. Tell. TELL him what to do, and he'd better do it.
Woman 2: I don't know...
Woman 1: You're married now. What can he do?
Woman 2: He could leave me...
Woman 1: He won't. You'd take him to the cleaners.
There was more than one point that caused me to breathe fire, and they should all be obvious. I don't believe in butting in to other people's business, so I didn't, but I desperately wanted to walk over to the table and soundly beat Woman 1 about the head with rational discourse. She probably would've accused me of "being mean."
I like to think that this sort of attitude isn't prevalent in my part of the world, but I have no idea whether it really is or isn't. I was recently shown a mailing list populated largely by married, affluent, Western women, and the utterly irrational and self-entitled prose I read made me wonder if I wasn't in some reality-programming Hollywood comedy. Where did you get a 2 carat diamond? Mine's only 1 carat. I'm going to make him get me a 2 carat now... and I swear if any parent brings their sick kid to school and makes MY kid sick I'm going to call the police. This is a danger to my family! I'm pretty sure that unless she was talking about bacterial meningitis, the only danger to her family was her marked inability to consider anything other than her own tiny little world.
I know that psychologically all that's happening here is that these women are possessed by insecurity run rampant. What bothers me though is that this insecurity and the way these particular women deal with it has become accepted, institutionalized and even glorified! Real Housewives of Orange County anyone? Sex is a weapon (weaponized sex sounds almost positive) to be used against husbands who have been bad, "bad" being defined as anything that these women don't like. You went out to poker night with the boys on a night I agreed to several weeks ago when you should've read my mind and understood I wanted you to stay home? No nookie for you! One year!
I don't know how or why this disgraceful behaviour has come about and entrenched itself. I'm sure many of the men that these women date or marry have directly contributed to it. The behaviour is decidedly harmful, even hateful, as it's all about controlling and manipulating your partner because they're too damned insecure to let him (or her) be their own person. I can't imagine what they're teaching their kids.
The good news is that women who behave this way, and the men who helped them get there, are seemingly a lot more scarce in geekdom. Female geeks are still females, possess all of the normal female behaviours and social pressures, but as a whole they're a lot more rational and reasonable. They're a lot more tolerant too, given that they have us male geeks to contend with. And we should be thankful. Offer a female geek a choice between a two-carat diamond and a loaded 24" iMac -- I'll bet that the glint you'll see won't be on her finger, it'll be in her eye.
 | 
